Sam Roddick, founder of Coco de Mer lingerie boutique, offers her insight into the secrets of the seductress - for those seeking a new liaison and for women who’d like to reignite the passion in a long-term relationship.
Very Valentines: A new partner or sturdy other half, here's how to make him feel special
KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FLIRTATION AND SEDUCTIONFlirtation is simply about making the other party feel like a million dollars: it’s a way of making someone feel so good that they are attracted to you and want to be around you.
Seduction is taking flirtation to a level where you are setting out to achieve a conscious goal - that can be in a sexual sense, or simply about achieving a status where you enter into a relationship.
Seduction can also be used in the workplace to get the results required in negotiations.
Once you realise the power of seduction, you can apply it to all areas of your life: for example, getting a BT technician to be extra dedicated when sorting out your phone.
KNOW WHO YOU ARE BEFORE TRYING TO SEDUCE SOMEONEUntil you know who you are and are comfortable with that, it’s difficult to set about seducing someone with any conviction.
It’s often said that confidence is the sexiest attribute one can possess, and it’s true that people are naturally drawn to those who are comfortable in their own skin.
Make sure you’re happy with what you are wearing, you like your hair and make-up, and you’re feeling calm and happy. It’s much easier to seduce a man when you are at ease with yourself and have a sense of your own personality.
MAKE THEM FEEL SPECIALGiving someone attention is the ultimate seduction technique. It can be quite subtle, but it’s all about creating an intimacy to make that man feel special.
If it’s someone you don’t know, begin with eye contact, then start a conversation and adapt your body language.
If it’s someone you’re in a relationship with and want to add some seductive sparkle, then start with the same approach: pretend you are getting to know them for the first time.
Try to learn new things about that person, however long you’ve been together.
Don’t be overbearing: have a happy, relaxed attitude that isn’t needy.
Making a man feel like there’s nothing else more interesting in the world than him is a key factor in the art of seduction.
GROOMING IS ESSENTIALSubtle, understated make-up is important: so don’t go overboard. Men don’t like the mask effect of lots of make-up; they like to know what’s underneath.
Put simply: make-up is messy and gets in the way, and a lot of men really don’t like it.
Better to spend your time treating your hair with an intense conditioning mask so it’s soft and shiny, and applying a deliciously soft lotion or oil on to your skin so it’s smooth and silky to the touch.
Long talons are a turn-off, too: neat, tidy nails without any rough edges are much more appealing. Choose your fragrance carefully. You want to smell clean, but not like you are wearing somebody else’s scent. Perfume simply masks who you really are: men are genetically programmed to love the natural scent of a woman’s skin — even if we aren’t aware it exists.
WEAR THE RIGHT CLOTHES AND SHOESMost women have an outfit that makes them feel sexy: I have an Alexander McQueen dress that is my ‘result dress’. It’s a sure bet, because it dresses my contours.
Wear the right underwear, too. You need to show off your bottom or your bust and know what your assets are: men like the obvious elements of a woman’s body. There is also a reason stilettos have become a cliche, they work.
Don’t stop making an effort to wear seductive clothing just because you’ve been in a relationship for a while: going to the trouble of wearing your man’s favourite outfit is a real turn-on. Take him by surprise when he gets home from work one evening.=
GIVE THE AIR OF SEXUAL POSSIBILITYMen don’t like to work that hard: they like to feel there is the possibility of physicality. If you’re in a long-term relationship and your idea of romance is a candlelit supper, make that a more appealing prospect for your man by alluding to the delicious dish - you - that might be served for afters.
If you are looking to seduce a new partner, demonstrate some kind of awareness of the possibility of physical intimacy without being overtly sexual or threatening.
Men are simple, not stupid. Seduction is about a simple fulfilment for them, but they also like to feel they are the masters of seduction. Keep an air of mystery to your seduction: keep it light, look like you’re a fun option. If they don’t respond to you as the fun person, they’ll run a mile when you mention all your neuroses.
DON’T APPEAR DESPERATEYou mustn’t chase hard: nothing is more off-putting than desperation. Make yourself attractive by being as gorgeous as you can in your own skin. Seducing a man is about making him want to chase you.
The women who find it hard to seduce a man come with a long, demanding list of requirements: the ones who seduce with ease are the ones who come with an air of mystery.
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